Season 11
by Mschanadlerbong26
Summary: A look at how friends could have been if it had another season after season 10. Continues immediately from the finale. Contains all main characters, and there may be an addition of new characters. I know this has been done before, but I just finished watching the entire series for the first time and I really wanted to try to make a season 11. 1st episode up. Enjoy!
1. Episode 1- The One Five Minutes Later

Episode 1: The One Five Minutes Later

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler (who is pushing the twins' stroller), Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe enter. _

Chandler: Can you believe this might be our last time coming in here for coffee?

Rachel: You guys aren't going to come visit?

Chandler: No, we will… just… I mean, not _all_ the time.

Phoebe: So you're going to forget about us when you go to those nice, suave suburban coffee houses? I see how it is.

Chandler: Okay… pulling out my larynx, never speaking again…

Monica (_glaring at Chandler): _We will visit. But, we want you guys to come visit us in Westchester, too.

_(Everyone smiles and nods in agreement. Suddenly, Ross looks around, confused.)_

Ross: Where's Joey?

_(The scene opens in the hallway between Monica and Chandler's old apartment and Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is sitting in front of Apartment 20.)_

Joey _(yelling)_: No more J-Man and Channy! God, why do you do this to me? Why, God, why? Is this what I get for not sharing my sandwich with Chandler? Because if it is…

_(End scene.)_

**Opening Credits**

_(Scene continues in the apartment hallway. Enter Ross and Chandler.)_

Chandler _(to Joey)_: Should I ask?

Joey: I just realized that this might be the last time we ever get coffee together! And I couldn't handle it! I don't know what I'm going to do without you, Chandler! Can't Monica go without you? You're good at long-distance relationships, right?

Chandler: Joey, Monica's my wife. I have to go. But you saw how close the new house is to here. We're gonna come here and visit. And you'll be able to visit us whenever you want.

Joey: Great! I'll go with you today! Maybe I should just, you know, grab my mattress and stay for a few days…

Chandler: Okay, maybe not _whenever _you want. But you'll see… you'll come a lot and Monica and I will come here. It's not like we're moving to another country.

Joey: Westchester isn't another country?

(_End scene. The scene opens in Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are on the couch. The twins' stroller is perched next to Monica. Phoebe is in the chair at the end of the table. Ross, Joey, and Chandler enter. Ross sits on the couch and puts his arm around Rachel. Chandler sits in the armchair. Joey stands behind the couch.)_

Monica: Everything okay, Joey?

Joey: Oh, yeah, you know my friends are leaving and I'm never gonna see them again. But other than that…

Monica: Joey! You know we're going to visit you, and you can visit us whenever you want.

(_Joey smiles and starts walking towards the front door to get his stuff from his apartment. Chandler pulls him back and glares at Monica.)_

Chandler: He can visit a LOT. Not whenever he wants, a LOT.

Joey: Yeah, but you say you're gonna visit, and then you're never going to, because you're gonna make new friends who are married and have names like… like Linda and Felix and all these proper names, and when I come to visit you, you won't even recognize me. You'll be like who is that and I'll be like…

_(Joey pauses and glares towards the door where a blonde woman enters.)_

Joey: Who is _that?_

_(Joey wanders towards the woman, while the others shake their heads. The sound of one of the twins crying can be heard. Monica leans towards the stroller, and lifts one of the babies out. She holds the baby close.) _

Monica _(patting the baby's back)_: What's the matter, gorgeous? What's the matter?

_(The other baby starts crying. Chandler lifts the baby out of the stroller.)_

Rachel: I don't know how you guys can handle two at the same time.

Monica: It may be hard, but we waited so long that it doesn't even matter. I am so excited for every moment that I get to spend with them… even if it is them crying. 

Ross: And you really going to love it, parenting is really so rewarding.

_(Monica smiles down at the baby in her arms, then smiles at the one Chandler is holding.)_

Monica: They are just the most beautiful babies. I can't believe how lucky we are.

_(Rachel looks over at the baby, and caresses its face lovingly.)_

Rachel: You are so adorable, yes you are. _(Turns to Monica.) _Which one is this?

Monica: Well this is, uh, Jack… _(looks at Chandler). _Or maybe it's… Erica?

Phoebe _(folding her arms): _Monica, you can't tell your own babies apart?

Monica: Of course I can! What kind of mother do you think I am? I was just, uh, testing Chandler. Seeing if he would correct me if I said the wrong name.

Phoebe: Ah, okay. _(turning to Chandler). _So which one is it?

Chandler: So... Ross... That lecture you were preparing a few days ago sounds really interesting. Why don't you tell us more about it?

Ross: well, see, I talk about how—

(Rachel puts her finger on Ross's lips to quiet him.)

Rachel: You really can't tell your kids apart?

Monica: Oh, stop. You... You tried to feed Emma a strawberry the other day and Ross had to remind you she doesn't like them.

(Scene shifts to Joey standing by the table where the blonde woman is sitting. He smiles and walks over.)

Joey: Hey... How _you_ doin?'

(The woman does not even glance up.)

Woman: Joey!

Joey: You know my name? H-how do you know my name?

Woman: Don't play dumb with me, Joey. You know who I am. Now get away from me. I don't want to see you.

_(Phoebe walks over the counter and passes Joey. Joey walks over to her and grabs her arm.) _

Joey (whispering): Who is that?

(Phoebe looks over at the woman.)

Phoebe: Did she and I fight over a sandwich once?

Joey: What?

Phoebe: Oh, when I was living on the streets this guy threw out a vegetarian tuna wrap and I was about to get it, and this chick who looks just like her tried to take it. I got it though. I broke her wrist.

_(Joey looks freaked out.)_

Joey: She knows my name but she won't tell me who she is and she won't talk to me. She told me she didn't want to see me.

Phoebe: I'll take care of this.

_(Phoebe walks over to the woman.) _

Phoebe: I'm sorry about the sandwich okay, Zelda, but will you just talk to my friend?

Woman: what are you talking about? Who's Zelda?

Phoebe: Oh, you're not Zelda? My mistake.

Woman: I'm sorry... who are you?

Phoebe: Regina Phalange. And now that I've told you who I am, maybe you should give me the same courtesy.

Woman: My name is Annabella. Now can you let me drink my coffee?

Phoebe: Okay, calm down, Zelda.

(Phoebe runs away, receiving a dirty look from Annabella). She goes back over to Joey.)

Phoebe: Her name is Annabella.

Joey: Annabella... Annabella... _(A nervous look appears on his face)_ Uh oh.

Phoebe: What, what?

Joey: No, no… I just. I met her at a party. We hit it off and she invited me to go away with her and her family. I had a drunk night with her, apparently proposed to her because I was out of my mind... Then I broke off the proposal and…

Phoebe: Tackled her to the ground until she _(Phoebe starts screaming)_ DROPPED THE DAMN SANDWICH?

_(Joey pauses for a moment and glares at Phoebe.) _

Joey: no! I.. I.. I slept with her sister and...

Phoebe: And?

Joey: And her mother, okay?

Phoebe: Joey!

Joey: What! She was hot! She did not look like a mother! Oh, and I might have told Annabella she had the body of a man.

Phoebe: What? Joey you never say that to a woman!

Joey: I was drunk!

Phoebe: well, go talk to her. I'm sure she will forget about it when she sees how charming you actually are.

Joey: You're right; it's worth a shot. She is hot!

Phoebe: Go get him tiger!

_(Cut back over to the couch.)_

Monica: I'm gonna go get a muffin, does anyone want anything?

_(Everyone shakes their heads. Monica walks over to the counter and sees Gunther.)_

Monica: hey, Gunther.

(Gunther nods in acknowledgement.)

Monica: Oh, Gunther, thanks for everything you've done for us. We'll try to visit you here as much as possible.

Gunther: Wait? Where are you going?

Monica: oh, Chandler and I are moving to a house in Westchester.

Gunther: wow, your gangs really leaving, huh? You guys... (He pauses and looks sad.) Rachel...

Monica: Rachel didn't leave. She decided to stay.

_(Gunther brightens.) _

Gunther: Really? For good? How did that happen?

Monica: That's what people sometimes do for love, Gunther.

_(Monica walks away, leaving Gunther standing there with his mouth wide open.) _

Gunther: Rachel loves me back?

_(Cut to Joey at Annabella's table.) _

Joey: Hi, Annabella.

_(Annabella ignores him and sips her coffee.) _

Joey: Annabella, I'm sorry about what I did. I had so much to drink and I didn't know what I was doing...

Annabella: Joey, I don't care. I moved on. I realized don't need a guy who doesn't know how to be a real man.

Joey: a real man! What are you talking about? I'm a real man!

Annabella: Real men don't sleep with every female in one family! Real

men know how to commit and make women feel good about themselves.

Joey: I can do those things!

Annabella: You, Joey Tribbiani, committed? The Joey Tribbiani who cheated on me with my sister, cheated on my sister with my mom, and then went home with one of the hotel maids?

Joey: well, I'm different now!

Annabella: You... You will never be different.

Joey: Oh yeah? Well it just so happens I AM committed to someone. I'm.. I'm married, and I tell my wife I love her every day!

Annabella: Really? Well then why were you flirting with me?

Joey: That's just the way I say hello! I really wanted to know how you were doing! I really am

married!

Annabella: Well, who is this lucky woman?

_(Monica walks past Joey and Annabella, carrying a muffin.) _

Monica: Hey, Joey.

_(Joey races over and puts his arm around Monica, who looks confused.) _

Joey: She is! This is Monica! _(Turns to Monica.) _I love you, honey.

Monica (still confused): I... Love you too?

_(Scene cuts over to the couch. Chandler is holding one of the babies, and Rachel is holding the other. Ross is sitting next to Rachel and Phoebe is in the armchair.) _

Rachel: Hi, cutie. You're the most beautiful little boy... Or girl

_(Rachel glares at Chandler.) _

Chandler: Alright, let it go. But… this is bothering me…

(_Chandler rummages under the baby's blanket .)_

Chandler: This one's Erica. You have Jack.

_(Gunther wanders over to Rachel, holding a flower.)_

Gunther: Rachel... I know this isn't that great a gift, but I promise ill get a better one.

_(Rachel tentatively takes the flower.) _

Rachel: Well, thank you, Gunther. But remember I told you I didn't have the same feelings...

Gunther: It's okay, Rachel. You don't have to pretend just because he's here _(Gunther glares at Ross.)_ Monica told me the truth.

Rachel: She.. She did, huh? Gunther, what exactly did she tell you?

Gunther: She said you didn't go to Paris because that's what people do for love.

Rachel: Oh...

_(Rachel looks towards Ross.) _

Ross: Gunther, I- I am sorry to tell you this, but the reason why Rachel didn't go to Paris… is because she loves me.

Gunther: Oh...

_(Gunther starts to walk away and spills a pitcher of coffee on Ross's lap, pretending it's an accident. Ross stands up with a start.)_

Ross: Ow! Gunther, what the..?

_(Gunther chuckles.) _

Gunther: I'm sorry, did I ruin your day?

_(Monica enters.) _

Monica: What's going on?

Rachel: Well, I think Gunther's jealous that Ross and I are together.

Monica: Why would he be? _(She pauses)_ oh my god...

Rachel: Yup.

Monica: That's crazy

(Monica sits down and Rachel hands her Jack.)

Chandler: I think Erica missed you.

Monica: Ah, so you did some cheating. This is Erica! Unless you're messing with me...

Chandler: Am I?

Monica: Yes! I mean... No! God I don't even know. What is wrong with me chandler? Why can't I tell my own children apart? I'm the worst mother ever!

_(Monica hands Jack back to Rachel, and leans on Chandler, crying.) _

Chandler: It'll be okay, Monica. We will figure out how to tell them apart. We'll just, you know, get one of them a tattoo or something...

(Monica glares at Chandler.)

Chandler: Or, you know, once they get older it will start being obvious. Unless of course Jack is anything like me and everyone thinks he's a girl...

Monica: Not helping...

_(Scene cuts to Joey and Annabella.) _

Annabella: Maybe I was wrong about you... You do seem like you've changed.

Joey: That's me. I'm a gentleman.

Annabelle: Maybe we can even double sometime.

_(Her gaze shifts to the couch, where Monica and Chandler are making out.) _

Annabella: Uh, Joey, you might not want to see this, but your wife is, uh...

_(Joey glances over.) _

Joey: Oh, uh... You know what? She cheats on me all the time. It's no big deal.

Annabella: Well of course it is! Why do you let her treat you like that?

Joey: It's no big-

_(Annabella storms over to Monica and Chandler.)_

Annabella: Hey, Romeo and Juliet. Why don't you stop doing that, cause she's married.

Monica _(puzzled)_: Well, yeah...

Annabella: So why don't you be faithful to your husband? He's come such a long way and he treats you so well and this is what you do to him?

Monica: I-I- that's what I do. I'm a slut. I cheat on my husband with my husband _(pinches Chandler's cheek.) _

Annabella: You have another husband?!

(Monica stares, confused.)

Annabella _(to Joey):_ You certainly don't deserve a woman like this. If you ever want a real woman _(Annabella squeezes joeys side and slips something in his pocket.)_

Annabella: Call me.

_(Annabella exits and Joey nearly collapses on the couch.) _

Joey: I got her number, I got her number…..

Monica: Joey... What the hell is going on?

Joey: Oh yeah, I kind of told her we were married.

Monica: Do I wanna know why?

_(A pause. Joey shrugs.) _

Monica: You know, I'm really going to miss this. These crazy… antics.

_(Everyone nods solemnly.)_

Rachel _(looking at her watch):_ Have we really been here for a half hour? Wow... I hate to say this but, I have to go. I have to go pick up Emma.

Phoebe: Yeah, and I should probably go untie Mike from-

_(Everyone stares.) _

Phoebe: Never mind.

Monica: I guess we have to get going...

Chandler: Awkward crying and hugging time?

_(Everyone stares. Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica slowly start crying again. Then Ross and Joey join in. They gather into a group hug.) _

Monica: I promise we're gonna see you guys! We're only going half hour away. This isn't goodbye, this is more like a... See you later.

Joey: Not as soon as we usually do.

Monica: You'll see, once we get used to it, it won't feel so different not seeing each other every day. We can see each other almost every day.

_(The gang starts to walk towards the door.)_

Phoebe: So I guess we'll see you guys...

Chandler and Monica _(shrugging_): Tomorrow?

**Credits roll. **

_(Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey and phoebe are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair with Emma in her lap. Ross is in the chair by the counter. Enter Gunther. He passes out coffees to Rachel, Joey, and phoebe and walks away.) _

Ross: hey, Gunther? I, uh, ordered a coffee.

Gunther: Didn't anyone tell you that we have the right to refuse service to anyone?

**End show. **


	2. Chapter 2- The One in Westchester

**I am so sorry it has been a while, guys… I have not abandoned this, but I just started a new job and I always come home way too exhausted to write. It took me way much longer to write this next episode than it should have. Hopefully the next one comes faster but I don't know... please bear with me and with the story! I promise it will continue to progress.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy Episode 2… please share your thoughts as they mean a lot to me. Thanks **

**Episode 2- The One In Westchester **

_(Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch in the living room. Monica is holding Jack and Chandler is holding Erica. Boxes are strewn across the floor.) _

Monica: Honey, we have to learn how to tell them apart. There must be some feature, some distinction.

Chandler: Well, you see Monica, boys and girls have different-

Monica: I know, Chandler. I meant other than that. Until they get older and the obvious differences start to emerge, we need to find something to help us tell them apart

_(Chandler looks down at Erica.)_

Chandler: She has blue eyes.

Monica: Jack has blue eyes too!

Chandler: Isn't Erica's hand smaller?

(Monica holds up Jack's hand against Erica's.)

Monica: Nope. Same size.

Chandler: Okay, well I think Erica's right earlobe is definitely bigger than her left. And look, Jack's are the same size.

(Monica studies the twins.)

Monica; Oh, yeah. Cool. Guess we can totally tell them apart now.

(Chandler nods in satisfaction.)

**Opening credits. **

(Open in Ross's apartment. Rachel is standing in the main hallway. She walks to the closed door of Ross's bedroom.)

Rachel: Ross! Come on! We're gonna be late!

_(Cut to Ross's room. He is sitting on the bed with Emma on his lap, holding a book open in front of him.) _

Ross: Say tyrannosaurus, Emma. Ty-ran-no-saur-us.

_(Emma reaches up and grabs Ross's nose.) _

_(Enter Rachel.)_

Rachel: Ross, stop trying to get her to learn to say the names of all the types of dinosaurs.

Ross: But if we get started now, she could begin studying paleontology by elementary school. Come on, Rach, she can do it, she's a genius. She is already saying so many words.

Rachel: yeah, right now we are working on saying "Dada crazy."

_(Ross glares at Rachel, and puts the book on the table.) _

Ross: Alright, let's go.

Rachel: I can't wait to see how Monica decorated the place. I haven't seen it since before they moved in.

Ross: Yeah Monica was really strict. We absolutely could not see the place until the house warming party.

Rachel: Are you ready yet, Ross? Phoebe is downstairs with the cab.

Ross: We're taking Emma in Phoebe's cab? Are you crazy?

Rachel: We don't have a car. Although we could call my dad and borrow his Mercedes. would you rather me drive?

Ross: Phoebe's cab it is!

_(Enter Joey, carrying a shoebox in one hand and a sandwich in the other.) _

Joey _(with his mouth full): _Hey guys! Ready to go?

Rachel: I'm just waiting for this girl over here. You would think I would take longer to get ready.

Ross: I'm ready, I'm ready _(He grabs his coat and hands Rachel hers.)_

Rachel: _(pointing at the box): _what is that?

Joey: It's chick Jr. and duck Jr.!

Rachel: You're bringing the birds and you think Monica is gonna be okay with that?

Joey: I can't leave them alone all day! They can't even deal with not being in bed with me at night.

Ross: You sleep in bed with a chick and a duck?

Joey: It's not my fault that Rachel won't let the chick sleep with her!

_(Cut to the street by the apartment building. Phoebe and Mike are sitting in the cab.) _

Phoebe: So you really meant what you said about wanting to start a family right away?

Mike: Well, I want to have lots of kids with the woman I love. And we're not getting any younger...

Phoebe: That's not true. I believe that in a few years, science will prove that we all can become younger as time goes on. Or in our next lives you and I will find each other and I will have a whole, new younger uterus and we can get started earlier.

Mike: Next life?

Phoebe: Yeah, this is my third life already. In my first life, I was a nurse in world war 1, and in my second one, I was actually a mermaid.

Mike: See this is why I love you.

Phoebe: You know what? Let's go have sex now.

Mike: We can't. We have Monica and Chandler's housewarming.

Phoebe: Why are we friends with them again?

_( Joey, Rachel, who is carrying a car seat, and Ross, who is holding Emma, enter the car.) _

Phoebe: Great we're all here!

_(They have not even sat down when Phoebe starts the ignition and speeds off.) _

Rachel _(addressing Ross):_ And you trust her more than me?

_(Scene opens in Monica and chandler's kitchen. Boxes still strewn the floor, now along with various household appliances and furniture. Monica stands on a chair, organizing appliances into a cabinet. Enter Chandler.) _

Monica: You have to help me unload everything before everyone gets here. They can't know we have been here for a week and have barely unpacked. Plus, to be honest, this mess is beginning to make me cringe.

Chandler: Wait… you're letting me help with the unpacking? Is that Galileo I hear? Did he just say the world, in fact, does revolve around the sun?

Monica: I'm desperate. We only have an hour until they get here.

Chandler: Can't we just tell the guys you have been busy with our week old babies and cooking for today and haven't had time?

_(Monica pretends to think about it.) _

Monica: Nope. Grab a box and start unloading.

_(Cut to street in front of Monica and chandler's house. Phoebe speeds into a parking spot next to the house and drives up onto the grass, knocking over the mailbox.) _

Ross: Phoebe!

Phoebe: What? It's not like I hit anyone!

Ross: Yeah, not this time

Phoebe: That cop had it coming! He stalked us for twelve exits!

Ross: Oh, yes, I wonder why we were being chased.

_(Cut back to the inside of Monica and Chandler's house. The room is somewhat more unpacked, but there are still many full boxes on the floor. Monica is cleaning one of her sponges with another sponge.)_

Chandler: You know, if you want to get unpacked, you probably shouldn't waste time, I don't know, cleaning a cleaning appliance!

Monica: How is the sponge supposed to clean anything if it's also dirty?

_(The sound of a baby crying can be heard.)_

Monica: I'll be right back. I can't believe I'm trusting you with this, but do you think you can start putting all the bathroom supplies away? That's all we have left to unpack. Remember, each towel gets its own hanger—

Chandler: I'm fine. Go take care of the babies.

_(Monica sighs and goes to the bedroom. Chandler takes a large pile of towels out of a box. The doorbell rings. Chandler looks frantically from the door to the towels in his arms.)_

Chandler: Uh… uh… coming!

_(He goes over to a cabinet in the kitchen, shoves the towels into it, slams the cabinet door shut, and opens the door to see Joey, Phoebe, and Mike.) _

Chandler: Hi, guys!

_(Everyone exchanges hugs.)_

Chandler: Where are Ross, Rachel, and Emma?

Phoebe: Oh, Ross is moving the cab. He had the nerve to say I parked it wrong.

Mike: Because the first lesson in Driver's Ed is to remember to always park your car on the lawn.

Phoebe: What, it's not like I hurt anyone, or anything. Oh, by the way, Chandler, here's your mailbox. I hit into it with the cab.

_(Phoebe hands Chandler the remains of the mailbox, which is in three pieces.)_

Chandler: This mailbox must have said something to piss you up.

_(Enter Monica, from the bedroom.)_

Monica: Hey, guys.

(Everyone exchanges hugs again. Monica looks down at the pieces in Chandler's hands.)

Monica: is that our mailbox? What the hell did you do to it, run over it with a car?

_(Everyone stares at Phoebe.)_

_(Cut to the outside of the house. Ross is attempting to park Phoebe's cab, and Rachel is in the passenger seat next to him. Emma is in the car seat in the back.) _

Ross: There we go. A nice, normal parking spot, right in front of the house and not on the lawn.

Rachel: Yeah, and it only took you... Ten minutes to park it?

Ross: You have to be very precise to make sure the car is exactly-

Rachel: That's great, Ross. Let's go, I want to see Monica and chandler.

_(Ross and Rachel get out of the cab. Rachel opens the door to the back and takes Emma out of the car seat. They walk towards the house when the door to the house next door opens and a man, Bill, walks out.) _

Bill: Are you two responsible for this?

_(He holds out his broken mailbox and a few clumps of dead grass.) _

Rachel (nervously): Oh, well, you see, our friend, uh...

Ross: I got this, Rachel. _(He faces Bill.) _I did not drive onto your yard. My friend Phoebe did. She's a little... Out of sorts. I was just fixing the park.

Bill: Well, since I don't see this supposed phoebe, I am going to assume that the gel you use in your hair is seeping into your brain.

_(Rachel laughs. Ross gives her a dirty look.) _

Ross: Well, I'm really sorry that happened. I'll see that phoebe replaces the mailbox...

Bill: Well see that this invisible girl mows my lawn too!

Ross: Uh... Right away, sir!

_(Ross and Rachel start towards the house.) _

Bill _(calling out to them):_ Oh, no wonder, you're going to the house with the screaming babies...  
_(Cut to Monica and Chandler's house.)_

_(Monica is standing in the kitchen preparing food Joey and Chandler are playing with the birds in their box on a chair, and Phoebe and Mike are on the couch.) _

Phoebe: Are you bored?

Mike: Nah... This is a great party.

Phoebe: You're bored. And you're making your horny face. You want sex.

Mike: What horny face?

Phoebe: That thing you do with your teeth when you want sex... Let's go have sex, come on.

Mike: Okay, first of all, I don't have a horny face, and second of all, we can't. We're at Monica and Chandler's.

Phoebe: I don't see them using their room, do you?

_(Mike glares at Phoebe, clearly eager, but skeptical.) _

_(Phoebe makes a buzzing sound.) _

Phoebe: Oh that's... Mike's stomach.

Mike: What?

Phoebe: Mike we should probably go to the bathroom and take care of that.

Chandler: Everything okay over there?

Phoebe: Oh yeah he just needs me to... Give him some medicine. We'll be right back.

Monica: You're going to miss the appetizers and house tour!

Phoebe: Mike could die!

_(Monica rolls her eyes. Phoebe and Mike exit.) _

Monica: Clearly they're up to something, but we don't have time to deal with that. The schedule doesn't allow it.

Chandler: Let's not mess with the schedule. Or we will awaken the devil. She's been reciting the schedule in her sleep.

_(Enter Ross, Rachel, and Emma. Ross and Rachel look frazzled.) _

Monica: Hey guys!

_(She goes to greet them and notices their expressions.) _

Monica: What's going on? Is everything okay?

Rachel: Your next door neighbor. The one at the house over there (Rachel gestures to the right) Kind of a demon spawn.

Monica: Bill?

(Monica turns to Chandler.)

Monica: He has never bothered us before.

Ross: Well, he doesn't like your babies very much. And, Phoebe owes him a mowing for parking on his lawn. (_Ross looks around) _Where's Phoebe?

Monica: Don't even ask. Chandler will talk to Bill.

Chandler: I will?

Monica: Yeah, you will.

Chandler: I think I'm actually gonna, uh, go see how many times I can slam the door on my hand before it breaks.

_(Monica shoves chandler towards the door.) _

_(Cut to Monica and Chandler's room. Phoebe and Mike are lying in the bed, making out.)_

Phoebe: I told you this is a great place to start our family. It's so clean. And they hardly use it.

Mike: How would you know that?

Phoebe: Because it's Chandler. Believe me, Monica does not get laid very often.

_(Mike just stares at Phoebe. Phoebe begins kissing him again.)_

Monica _(off-screen):_ Oh god, Joey! I told you to leave them in their box, now I have feathers on my floor.

Joey: She jumped out!

Monica: Oh, god. I need to get towels.

_(Footsteps are heard approaching the room. Phoebe and Mike stare at each other, panicked.)_

Mike: What do we do?!

Phoebe: Get under the bed!

_(Phoebe and Mike struggle out of the bed and slide stomach first onto the floor. Mike pulls Phoebe under the bed and barely squeezes in next to her, using a part of the blanket to hide himself.)_

_(Enter Monica. She goes into the bathroom and comes back with a towel. Suddenly, she looks towards the bed and drops the towels.)_

Monica: WHY is the bed unmade? I'm gonna kill Chandler…

_(Monica begins making the bed. Scene opens a few moments later. Monica is standing in the living room, reading off a sheet of paper. Ross, Rachel, and Joey are standing next to her.)_

Monica: So before we give you the house tour, I am going to serve the hors d'oeuvres- Fried shrimp and Thai chicken curry in coconut milk. Chandler and I went to this great Thai place right down the block the other day and tried it and it is delicious... Anyway..

Joey: Monica! Food!

Monica: Okay, okay. Now I made everyone a special place card with your names on them. Sit at the seat with your respected place card and-

Joey: Monica! Food!

Monica: Okay!

_(Everyone stands by the table, looks at their place card, and begin_

_moving them around to new seats. They sit down and Monica brings a tray over.) _

Joey: That's it?

Monica: There's a main course, don't worry!

Joey: Can't we just eat it all now?

Monica: No! That would break my schedule!

_(Enter Chandler.)_

Rachel: So? What happened?

Chandler: I don't know what you guys are talking about. Bill was as nice as he always is. Oh, and I'm invited over there to watch Die Hard sometime.

Joey: Die Hard? Can I come? I love this guy.

Ross: I don't get it. That monster is going to watch Die Hard with you?

Chandler: Sorry, Ross, but it's got to just be something you did. Maybe it's your… your hair.

(Ross makes a face.)

Chandler: He said he understands about the mailbox and Phoebe, you don't have to mow his lawn… (Chandler looks around) Where's Phoebe?

Monica: We're not entirely sure. She had to (puts up two fingers indicating quotation marks) give Mike his medicine (puts fingers down) but they've been gone a while. Their loss. I was just about to serve the poached salmon. I even made Phoebe eggplant parmesan instead.

Joey: I'll have it, you know, since she isn't here and all.

Monica: Go right ahead.

Ross: Yet another party where you poach something.

(Monica glares at Ross.)

Rachel: Well, I don't get it, but Ross… whatever it is you do, don't do it when we leave. I don't need him screaming again, it will probably upset Emma.

Ross: Emma was unaffected. It's upsetting you.

Rachel (beginning to cry): Well, he yelled at us…

(Joey interrupts, yelling at looking at the floor.)

Joey: Chick Jr.! Duck Jr.! No!

Monica: Where are those birds now?

Joey: Chandler, why did you leave the front door open?

(Monica turns to Chandler with her hands on her hips.)

Chandler: Joey brings the birds here and I get yelled at.

Joey: Well, guys, don't just stand there! They can get run over!

(Joey runs out of the house, followed by Ross and Rachel. Monica goes over to the closet by the front door and grabs a vacuum.)

Chandler: You're not gonna help?

Monica: I have to vacuum up these feathers. They're everywhere!

(Chandler rolls his eyes and exits.)

Chandler: Did you find them?

Joey (yelling): Come to mama!

Chandler: I guess not.

Joey (grabbing Chandler): What if they're in the foosball table again?

(Chandler stares at him.)

Chandler: Okay, Joey, first of all, they can't wander back to the city on their own, and second of all, we destroyed the table, remember?

Ross: Maybe we should split up. Rachel and I will go this way (points to the right)

Chandler: As in, as far away from bill's as possible

Ross: Okay, okay, let's just find the birds.

(Cut to the main hallway in Monica and chandler's. Monica is preparing the food. Enter chandler.)

Monica: You find them?

Chandler: No, but Joey is so distracted looking, he didn't notice me slipping away.

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: I needed a break! This is Joey. He was knocking on peoples doors asking if the birds wandered in. He wanted to take a cab to turkey to see if maybe they went there to be with other birds.

(A pause.)

Chandler: Yeah, I know.

Monica: Well as long as the other three are out looking, all three kids are napping, and Phoebe and Mike are MIA, we may as well do something we haven't gotten a chance to do with all the unpacking and preparing for the party.

Chandler: What's that?

Monica: Christen the house!

(Chandler lifts Monica in his arms and carries her towards the bedroom. Cut to the bedroom. At the sound of the footsteps, phoebe and mike arise from under the blankets.)

Phoebe: Are you kidding me?

(She and Mike roll off the bed as fast as possible. Mike bangs his head on the wall.)

Mike: Ow...

(Phoebe covers his mouth and drags him under the bed. Enter Monica and chandler, chandler still carrying Monica. They fall onto the bed, and begin making out.)

(Cut to under the bed. Clothes start to fall off the bed and onto the floor. Cut to under the bed. Mike and Phoebe are lying under the bed. Mike looks disgusted and phoebe looks fascinated. Mike gives Phoebe a look.)

Phoebe (whispering): Chandler is wild in bed!

(Mike just glares at her.)

Phoebe (a little louder): Who would have thought Chandler Bing could be good in bed?

(Cut to the bed. Monica and Chandler are under the blankets. They stop kissing and stare around the room, confused.)

Monica: Phoebe?

(Cut back to under the bed.)

Phoebe (disguising her voice): Nope. It's uh… The Phalanger. I'm the monster under your bed.

(Cut back to the bed.)

Monica: Phoebe, what the HELL are you doing under mine and Chandler's bed?

(Chandler picks up a shirt and pants from the bed.)

Chandler: I just realized these clothes aren't mine.

Monica: You and Mike were having sex in OUR BED?

Phoebe: Now, it may look that way, but… like I told you… I was giving Mike his medicine. It needs to be given naked on a bed.

Chandler: Really? This disease sounds interesting. What is it?  
Phoebe: It's called… Mookaka disease. It's… Swiss.

Chandler (to Monica): Mike is Swiss?

(Monica sighs.)

Monica: Whatever, guys. We're going to go to the bathroom, and you guys are going to get dressed and out of here. And… no looking at us.

Phoebe: You maybe, but not Chandler.

(Mike glares at Phoebe.)

Monica: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Right. We won't look.

Chandler: Oh, can we have our clothes?

(Mike awkwardly hands Chandler the clothes without emerging from under the bed.)

(Cut to outside Monica and Chandler's house. Ross and Rachel are wandering down the street, looking down at the ground and in the street.)

Ross: Chick Dr.! Duck Jr.!

Rachel: Hey, do you think they flew away?

Ross: Chickens can't fly. But I guess the duck might have.

Rachel: Poor Joey. He really loves them.

(A quack is heard.)

Rachel: What was that?

(Ross and Rachel look down, and see Duck Jr. waddling past them, Chick Jr. beside him.)

Rachel: Oh, there they are! You guys scared us! Come here!

(Rachel leans down to get the birds, but they walk away.)

Rachel: Damn it!

(Ross and Rachel continue chasing the birds. They are so into what they are doing, that they don't notice that they have traveled to Bill's lawn. The birds waddle into the garden. Ross and Rachel walk over and fiddle in the bush to catch the birds. Enter Bill, from inside his house.)

Bill: What in the name of hell of you guys doing?

(Rachel jumps and emerges from the bush.)

Rachel: Oh, hi Bill. So, we heard you like Die Hard….

Bill: Why are you in my yard?

(Ross emerges from the bush.)

Ross: our friends duck and chick ran away and we were just helping him find them... And incidentally, they came into your backyard.

Bill: another invisible friend?

Rachel: okay, you know what, our friends are real, and this is actually happening, and you're nasty to us when you're nice to chandler and I've had it to here-

Bill: how would you like me to call the cops and tell them you're trespassing?

Rachel (holding out her chest): have I mentioned I am a 32 C?

(Ross holds Rachel back.)

Ross: Rachel, stop!

(Chick Jr. And Duck Jr. come out of the bushes. Ross picks up Chick Jr. And Rachel picks up Duck Jr. Bill wanders over to the bush.)

Bill: iI they messed anything up...

(Ross and Rachel look at each other and start running.)

Bill: Come back here!

(Joey enters from the side of the house.)

Joey: Did you know that there's an ice cream store down the block? They have thirty different flavors! Thirty!

(Ross and Rachel, looking frazzled, wordlessly hands Joey the birds.)

Joey: hey, you're back!

Ross: You're welcome! It was a risk.

(Joey, Rachel, and Ross enter the house. Monica and Chandler stand in the living room, still looking a little embarrassed.)

Rachel: maybe it's both of us. (Rachel starts crying.)

Monica: Bill again? Are you sure you're not just being sensitive?

Rachel: I'm never too sensitive.

Monica: Yeah... Okay...

Joey: On the plus side, chick Jr. and duck Jr. are back!

Ross: But seriously this guy is like the incredible hulk with extra low serotonin levels.

Monica: In their box... now!

Joey: Okay... Relax.

(Joey puts Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. into their box.)

Monica: Chandler and i will talk to him later... Right now, we are completely off schedule. I haven't served the salmon yet..

(Mike and Phoebe enter and exchange awkward glances with Chandler and Monica.)

Monica: So... Phoebe... I made you eggplant Parmesan so you don't have to eat the fish.

Rachel: What's going on?

Monica: Nothing... Nothing. Let's eat now. I'll just get plates.

(All except Monica sit at the table. Monica goes over to the cabinet and opens it. The pile of towels falls out. Monica glares angrily at chandler. Chandler slowly ducks down further and further into his seat.)

**Credits roll.**

(Scene opens in front of Monica and chandler's house. Phoebe and Mike walks towards a small red car, holding hands.)

Phoebe: No one will find us in here.

Mike: Yeah, except when the person needs to leave their house and comes in...

Phoebe: Oh, dont worry about that. I have psychic instincts. I can tell when someone's thinking about coming out before they actually get here.

(Phoebe approaches the car and attempts to break into it, but the alarm goes off.)

Phoebe (screaming): RUN!

(Phoebe and Mike run away. Rachel and Ross exit from Monica and Chandlers house.)

Rachel: What's going on?

(Phoebe doesn't answer. Bill emerges from inside his house. He spots Rachel and Ross and yells towards them.)

Bill: Why the hell are you trying to break into my car?

Ross: Huh?

Bill: I've had just about enough of your antics!

(Bill comes towards Rachel and Ross, who also start running away.)

**End show. **


	3. Chapter 3- TOW the DDC Part 1

**Hi all…this is the FIRST HALF of episode 3… I usually prefer to post the entire episode at a time but my writing process has been slow and I don't know when I'll finish and didn't want to leave you all hanging forever so I decided to post what I have so far (which is about half the episode) and post the other half probably in a week or two when I am able to finish. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and please leave feedback! Thanks! **

**Episode 3:The One with the Defensive Driving Class- Part 1**

_(Scene opens in Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey is sitting in his chair, reading a book, which he is holding in one hand, and holding a pair of handcuffs in the other hand. Enter Chandler.)_

Joey (_pointing towards Chandler, reading the book, and holding out the handcuffs): _Put your hands where I can see them!

Chandler (_putting his hands in the air): _Okay, I'm sorry I drank your last beer!

Joey: Wait… did you really?

Chandler: No, what's with the cuffs?

Joey: I'm rehearsing for this part in a movie. I play a cop arresting a burglar. It's just one scene, but I really want it. And the cuffs are part of my audition.

Chandler: That explains it.

Joey: I kind of need to learn how to actually get these cuffs on. 

Chandler: Well, that would be essential to getting the part, now wouldn't it?

Joey: Can I practice on you? Please?

Chandler: Sorry, Joey, I have plans to… drive Monica's Porsche through a building.

Joey: Come on, Chandler. Please? You can have my… (_Joey finds a cantaloupe on the counter.) _Cantaloupe.

Chandler: That's tempting, but I'll pass.

Joey: It will only take a second.

Chandler: Fine, but only if you stop calling me in the middle of the night to comfort Hugsy after a nightmare. You keep waking my babies up.

Joey: Deal.

(_Joey picks up the book and the handcuffs, and reads out of the book.)_

Joey: Put your hands where I can see them!

_(Chandler holds out his hand, and Joey attempts to attach the cuffs. After a moment, Joey tries to pull away, but can't. He has accidentally cuffed own of his own hands to one of Chandler's.)_

Chandler: Nice job half arresting yourself, Joey.

Joey: We better try that again.

_(Joey starts to pull on the handcuffs and gets a worried look.)_

Chandler: Joey? Undo the cuffs!

Joey: I… can't.

Chandler: Don't you have a key?

Joey: Yeah. At my new agent's office.

(_There's a pause as Chandler glares at Joey.)_

Chandler: You have GOT to be kidding me.

**Theme song.**

_(Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are on the couch. Mike is in the armchair.) _

Ross: This isn't what I ordered.

(_Gunther chuckles from behind them.)_

Ross: When is Gunther going to get over us being together?

Rachel: I don't know. But I can order what you wanted for you, and he will probably give me double of it.

Phoebe: Can we get to my problems now?

Ross: What problems? You didn't say anything was wrong.

Phoebe: Well, I couldn't because you were too busy whining about not getting your stupid order. So you got tea instead of coffee. Deal with it. Tea is still good.

Rachel: Okay, what's wrong?

Mike: She's annoyed at me because I signed her up for a defensive driving class.

Phoebe: As if I need it. I'm a perfectly good driver.

_(Everyone stares at her.)_

Phoebe: So I hit things sometimes, so what? I've never killed anyone. My mom, on the other hand, she did. She killed herself.

Mike: You're not using that to get out of this.

Rachel: It might be good for you, Phoebe. You can learn how to be a better driver.

Ross: Actually, Rachel, Phoebe is not the only one who needs to improve her driving. You should join her in the class.

Rachel: Well, Ross, I happen to be a very good driver, but I also know that these classes can help make you an even better one. And if it will make Phoebe go, I'll do it.

Phoebe: Yay! We're going to defensive driving class together! Ooh, it will be like a little driving party!

(_Enter Joey and Chandler, still handcuffed to each other.)_

Ross: Couldn't reach your agent to get the key, huh?

Chandler: Oh, no, we reached his agent; we just enjoy being cuffed to each other.

Joey: It is, kind of fun… I mean, we get to spend even more time together. It's a bonding experience. Everything I do, you do.

Chandler: Oh, yeah, could this _be _more fun… if you try to take a shower again, I'm gonna kill you.

(_Enter young woman with red hair. She sits at the table to the right of the couch, by the window.)_

Joey: Excuse me.

(_He starts towards the woman, forgetting Chandler is attached to him and yanking his arm.)_

_(Chandler grabs his arm and winces.)_

Chandler: Watch it.

_(Joey continues pulling Chandler towards the woman. They approach her.)_

Joey: How you doin'?

_(The woman gives Joey and Chandler a strange look.)_

Woman: Okay, do you two freaks want a threesome or something, because just to let you know, I'm not into that.

Joey: What? No.

Woman: I also don't really do the whole cuffing thing. Sorry.

(_The woman rolls her eyes and exits.)_

Joey: I just lost a hot woman! I don't know what you're talking about Chandler, being cuffed to each other is not fun at all.

_(Scene opens in a small classroom. Several people are seated at desks. Enter Phoebe and Rachel.) _

Rachel: this better be worth it. I couldn't' leave Emma with Monica because Jack is sick. So Ross has her at work.

Phoebe: how much can a two year old actually understand anyway? I mean when you read her those fashion magazines, she's way more into what's inside her nose.

_(Rachel and Phoebe look around the room.) _

Phoebe: So all these people have problems driving, huh?

Rachel: Or, like me, they just need to _improve _their already great driving skills.

Phoebe: Hey, I think I took my road test with that guy.

_(Phoebe points at a guy at one of the desks.)_

Rachel: A driving _teacher _is taking this class?

Phoebe: He told me I had a nice rack and I should show it off on the road. So he passed me.

Rachel: That explains so much.

_(A man enters and stands at the front of the room. Phoebe and Rachel sit down at two adjacent desks in the back.)_

Man: welcome to the class. Today we will discuss several different aspects of safe driving. We will start with intersections. What do you do if you need to change lanes and you need to see if there is anyone in your blind spot?

(Rachel raises her hand.)

Rachel: That's an easy one. You just assume that there's no one there and if there is, they will see you signaling and stop. I mean if you have to change lanes, you change lanes.

Phoebe: or you can just honk your horn to let them know you're coming and they better yield.

(There is a long moment of silence.)

Man: you better pay great attention to this lecture before you drive home from here.

(Scene opens in a classroom. A group of students are seated at desks. Ross walks into the room, holding Emma.)

Ross: hi, everyone. Sorry I'm late. It's my nanny's day off but my girlfriend is taking a class, so i had to bring my baby to work. This is Emma.

Chorus of voices: hi, Emma.

Ross: I'm hoping I'm raising a future paleontologist right here, so maybe being at this lecture will be good for her.

Ross: I'm hoping I'm raising a future paleontologist right here, so maybe being at this lecture will be good for her.

_(Scene changes, but still in Ross's classroom, clear time has gone by. Ross is standing at the board pointing at a slide of a dinosaur bone. Emma is sitting on the table in front of Ross.) _

Ross: so scientists are still trying to prove that this bone came from one of the last living dinosaurs, that may have lived longer than we initially thought.

_(Ross checks his watch.) _

Ross: and I got so into that discussion that I'm late for my class. So that's all for today. See you all Tuesday.

_(The students get up. Ross grabs his briefcase and runs out of the room, leaving Emma on the table.) _

_(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler are attempting to play Fireball but keep having difficulty because of the handcuffs.)_

Chandler: I give up. Fireball is just not fun with only one hand.

Joey: I'm depressed. I'm just gonna go sit in my chair.

_(Joey starts towards his chair, yanking Chandler along with him.) _

Chandler: Dude. You need to stop doing that.

Joey: I keep forgetting we're cuffed together.

Chandler: Really, why don't you teach me how?

_(Joey sits down in his chair, pulling Chandler along with him. Chandler_

_falls across Joey's lap.)_

Chandler: You're gonna have to give up the chair until we get the cuffs off.

Joey: I'll have to go to my bed for a nap then.

_(Chandler stares at Joey.) _

Chandler: Not unless you want me in bed with you.

Joey: Can I at least have a beer?

Chandler: Yeah whatever. I'll have one too.

_(Joey and Chandler go to the fridge. Joey takes two beers out. He grabs a bottle opener and tries to open the bottle one handed but struggles.) _

Joey: I can't have beer either! This is so unfair!

Chandler: Well, maybe you shouldn't have cuffed us to each other! You think I like this! Monica and I are- oh, crap, Monica.

Joey: What?

Chandler: Well, we haven't done it since the babies were born. And Monica's parents are babysitting tonight so we thought tonight we would...

_(Chandler is glaring at Joey, who is standing there smiling.) _

Chandler: Stop picturing my wife naked.


End file.
